The fight of my life, just a metaphor, or is it a fight with which I will have to struggle for the rest of my life. I often think about this as I’m going through my ups and downs. Depression is something I do not want to worry about forever, but I know if I ever stop thinking about it, it could be the end. What if there was a cure? What if it was something you worked on every single day, hoping to improve a little bit, never wavering from your final destination? Does that help or hurt the situation? Or what if there is no cure, it’s just the last day of this eternal struggle. Death. How then is it possible to find the courage to fight every day, knowing you have to wake up and fight again tomorrow? That question burns inside me and has for some time now. I fear the days where I want to quit. For now, something inside me prevents me from choosing that day and just giving up. Is it because there are those days I feel like I’m going to get somewhere in this life? Maybe, but then I crash into the reality of the situation and ask, is there somewhere I need to be? I overvalue those things in my life that I assume others want me to have. Money and 401k are things for people who know they will live long lives. Never once have I thought I would make it to 40, yet here I am. I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m fighting every day for things others tell me I need. Exhaustion has set in I am struggling to continue without some direction. It’s like treading water without sight of the shore. How does one know what they want? How the hell do I find out the things in life that make life worth, when everything we strive for takes so long to get. I need a taste of several lives, just a bit here and there, then let me pick the one that works the best for me. How do you put your life on hold right in the middle to explore these other lives? Where would I start? The one thing I know is that I have to lose this extra weight. It will give me a lot more time to figure out where I’m going and will make it a lot easier on the way there. So that is where I start this next battle, the age-old war for myself and many others. Fight on to anyone reading this, fight on, and do not stop. We have one life on this earth, with an unknown amount of time to live it. Choose to make it everything you want it to be and accept nothing less.